HOTTIE!

Jenny Lewis is tremendously sexy and brilliant.  Every girl wants a little Jen.  I mean, c'mon!



I'm so Tired

Well, it's been building in me for awhile, but today it finally broke free from my lungs and my mind.  I am so tired of the competition.  I am so sick of trying to get "noticed" and achieve something "great".  What?!  Who are they to tell me what great is?  What gives them the divine right to make the rules of beautiful, successful, smart, funny, and talented?  I am so sick of trying to please and satisfy the "judges" of life.  The race makes me sick, tired, anxious, and weary.  I cannot continue extending my alleged self to the hands of the moderators that feed off of my failure.  I will not allow it!  Why is it that I feel the need to please the audience of people surrounding me?  What have I to offer or to gain?  Nothing!  So, I must cease this pursuit, because I will never get or give enough.

Miss Lou

You have been my most trusted friend since I can remember.  You are absolutely, 100% the thing that keeps me going, the thing that keeps me pressing through the hard stuff life often throws in our faces.  I remember days and nights of fighting and friendship.  It almost kills me each time I leave you alone.  I want the best for you and would truly give up anything in order for you to have it.  You deserve it.  I know I’ve hurt you and you’ve hurt me, but it is those very instances that call me to a deep love and confidence in you.  You and I are so alike, yet so very different at the same time.  You, sweet friend, are utterly gorgeous.  The way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you cry draws me into you.  I can’t help it.  I know that Christ is working so mightily in you and has plans far beyond what either one of us can imagine.  I am so very proud of you.  You.  Not what you’ve done or how you’ve done it.  You, who you are.  Thank you for always being here for me and loving me without condition.  I’m extremely excited to see you following the famous name of Jesus.  You are exquisite.

My Sweet Jesus

With every day comes new victories, struggles, realizations, and discoveries.  In all of these aspects I have experienced joy and have been challenged to do newer, greater things within myself and others.  I have found that with each coming and passing day, He and I grow closer and learn more about how life should be lived.  I love Him.  He is my best friend.

peron75

For everyone who loves YouTube or simply just likes watching good videos:  You should totally check out peron75's videos on YouTube!  I absolutely love this guy!  He is sooo hilarious.  He has lots and lots of videos, but if you start from the beginning and work your way up to where he is right now I know that you'll totally want to subscribe to his channel too.  What are you still doing here reading this blog?!  Go check out Michael Buckley at: http://www.youtube.com/peron75

http://www.youtube.com/whatthebuckshow


Here is his oldest video from the peron75 channel: Enjoy!

Sorry

Hey guys.  Sorry to everyone that I told I would be going to SPC this next spring semester.  Looks like I'm going to stay here in Denton for the spring (and maybe summer) to work and take a few classes.  In the fall I WILL be at SPC starting the nursing program there.  Just thought you'd all want that update!  Love :o)

How Do I Love Thee?

"How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways..."
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

One Thing I Ask

I'm in love with a man, I'm in love with a stranger

I'm in love with my maker, whom I have never seen
I'm in love with a lamb, I'm in love with a lion
I'm in love with my Savior, whom I have yet to know

Oh, won't you let me love you more?
This is all that I desire
Wont you let me love you more?
This is all that I require
Won't you let me love you more?
This is my deepest heart's desire
Won't you let me love you more? Still more? And more?

For you could give to me the gift of walking on water
And maybe, maybe I will raise the dead
But I have one life to live
And all I have to give to you is love
I have one life to live
And all I have to give to you is love

And if I never walk on water
If I never see the miracles
If I never hear your voice, so loud
Just knowing that you love me is enough to keep me here
Just hearing those words is enough, is enough to satisfy
You do, You do
You satisfy
I couldn't leave even if I tried
I must have you, I must have you, I must have you

Oh, Cuz when it's all been said
And when it's all been done
When the race is run
Well, it all comes down to love
Love, love

"Let Me Love You More" by Misty Edwards from Relentless

The Only Thing Consistent is Change

"Change" by Trevor Davis


Madman

Cray-say-nez

Dude, so I totally just learned about this crazy little challenge.  Take your right foot in the air and draw circles in a clockwise direction.  Then, at the same time that your foot is turning, draw a six in the air with your hand.  You will end up turning your foot in the opposite direction!  It's SO hard, haha!  Try it!

Ohh Baby!


I can't wait until Saturday!!!

Texas Tech v U of Texas
11/1/08    7PM 

I Need You, Sweet Jesus

Lord,


Why am I so nervous all of the time?  Why will I not let Your Spirit come within me and soothe the things I fear so greatly?  I know that You will take them, but there is something about that very thing that is unsettling to me.  Could it possibly be that I want to keep those fears close?  Keeping them close before worked...to an extent...I mean, I still lived in fear and couldn't see the progress, but it DID happen.  

God, you know the things that I am deeply afraid of, the things that keep me awake into the early hours of the morning, the things that I want so desperately to cry about, but my eyes won't let me, the things that plague my thought and memory.  Dear Jesus, you know them.  You know me.  You knit me together in my mother's womb.  You knew my name before I was even born.  All the days that are ordained for me are written in Your book.  I have ravished Your heart with one glance of my eye.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, dear Jesus.  You know all my ways and have set them before me.

So, I take this, what You say, and hold fast to it.  I will strive to never let love and faithfulness leave me; I bind them around my neck and write them on the tablet of my heart.

For You, Oh Lord, are a shield around me!  You are my glory, the one who holds my head high!

(even when I can't see it, I will "do it afraid")

Free Writing

I have often be urged by psychologists to free write in the context that requires no rules or grammar or form.  When I first began this exercise, I found it extremely hard to simply let go of the rules.  Many times I like to make myself think that I do not live within the encrypted rules and lines and boundaries of language and thinking, but I indeed do.  However, free writing has helped me overcome the ordinances of form.  It's truly freeing to be able to sit down and put random thoughts on paper without that incessant voice telling me that I must put them in the order that it tells me to or all control will be lost.


Today I sat down at Starbucks with my communications homework and soy sugar-free cinnamon dolce latte in hand (whew! that's a heavy cup, man).  I honestly didn't intend to free write (I like to do that in private, because it often makes be feel like I'm a crazy), but I ended my homework a lot quicker than I thought I would, and had an extra sheet of paper that happened to be unused.  I felt the urging of the Spirit to free write, so I obeyed.

After reading over my script, I found a really interesting trend.  It was fairly subtle and took me by surprise.  There seemed to be a trend of extremely abstract thought and concept being moved into concrete, tangible, seeable things.  Like, that my life lately has been like cerebral pauses.  That I'm just going along, living and thinking, and then all of a sudden - a cerebral pause.  My mind does nothing, thinks nothing, feels nothing.  Kinda like a black-out, but I realize it in the process of the pause.  It was cool to read this and have this thought: "Ok, well if I am having these cerebral pauses, I need to mentally just push play."  (I don't even know if this makes sense to anyone, but it does to me!)  

And take this:  We run into the monster of time and space, and wait for a line to speak in case we don't laugh the first time when he motioned to the door and floundered about in our dresses. -- Yes, weird I know.  This is what I mean by freedom from form.  BUT, here time and space is a monster that I am scared of because I don't react the way I am "supposed to".  It also abuses me, 'floundering around in my dress behind the closed door'.  I now see that I need not be afraid of time, but stand up for myself in it, not taking its abuse of me.  Fear and worry are overrated and binding.  I don't have to take their crap.

Kinda cool, maybe?  I learn a lot from these things.  You should try it too.  Free writing sucks at first, and it's actually really difficult to simply let go of your mind and let it speak.  But, after a few times it gets a little easier.  Hope you enjoy this!

My Future is In Your Hands

My body is torn.  My spirit is sorrowful.  My mind is desolate.  My heart is broken.

Yet still, I will trust in you, Oh Lord!  Be first in my life!  I surrender to You!

PLEASE VOTE

and vote and vote and vote!


http://www.artistsontherise.com/?p=profile&id=12

Thanks so much!

Kelsey

.Me : Raw.

I am not brave, though I wish I was.  I am dirty, though I try to hide it.  I am na├»ve, and don’t pretend that I am not.  I am a recluse, though I’d never want to tell you.  I am used to failure, and used to dwelling on those failures.  I hold onto the little things, though they often make me wane.  I am passionate, and yet indolent.  I am shifty, though relentless for a season.  I am selfish, prideful, and arrogant.  I will never reach my potential, but for some reason people will feel the need to tell me how much I could be.  I am extremely patient, though incompetent people will be the end of me.  I am talented, yet never the best.  I hide behind the dauntless.  I am drawn to wit, though never embraced. I cannot sit still, though I cannot get up.  I am not in control, and it kills me. 

Mogwai - "Bobcat"

This is an extremely frightening music video from Mogwai called "Bobcat".  Enjoy!




By the way, I'm playing at the UNT Library Pavilion today from 3:50-4:10PM for the Eagle Ears Festival. Come out if you get the chance. I'd love to see you!!
Hearts and Peace Signs,
Kelsey

Peter and the Wolf - Golden Stars

Thank you, thank you, kglass for sharing this video and this band with me!  I love em!

REPOST OF PETER AND THE WOLF'S SONG: GOLDEN STARS



Check out:
www.myspace.com/whiskeyandapples
http://kathrynglass.blogspot.com/

Countdown to Denton

Wow, I am so incredibly ready to leave this town, Lubbock, and get back to my home.  I will be moving into a new apartment with my good friend and roommate Miss Robyn.  It will be my first time to be having guests over for meals and just to hang out.  Plus, it will be more isolated than the dorms at UNT, so I'm really excited about that (because noise at 3AM sucks).  


I have had an extremely tough summer and am truly ready to get away from everything in and about Lubbock, TX.  I'll be spending this next week getting all of my stuff together and saying goodbyes before heading out.  My sister has a volleyball game in DFW this coming weekend, so I think my family will drive up with me and help me unpack the car.  

This next weekend I'll be moving and settling in to my new apartment, looking for work (hopefully close to school, we'll see what is available), and enjoying some night life.  A friend from Lubbock that I've worked with this summer (thank God for him!!) went to school in Denton a couple of years back and is going to be in town this coming weekend as well.  Maybe I'll get to hang with him a little on Saturday: hit up some good places he knows about.  

After the weekend is through school will be back in session, and I'll be learning again (yay!).  Call me a nerd, but I love to learn (planning on all A's this semester).  

Anyways, that's my update and countdown to Denton.  Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day!! :o)  Love, Kelsey

P.S.  I bought a 360 and now have a gamer tag:  tx05killa  :add me!

Screaming Inside

I am in need...

... of life
... of a friend
... of peace
... of knowledge
... of direction
... of something better than what I have
... but who isn't?

What You Don't Hear Much...Psalm 85...

You showed favor to your land, O Lord; you restored the fortunes of Jacob.  You forgave the iniquity of your people and covered all their sins.  You set aside all your wrath and turned from your fierce anger.  Restore us again, O God our Savior and put away your displeasure toward us.  Will you be angry with us forever?  Will you prolong your anger through all generations?  Will you not revive us again that your people may rejoice in you?  Show us your unfailing love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation.  I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints - but let them not return to folly.  Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land.  Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.  Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.  The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.  Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.

Cleansing Tears

Cleansing tears fall down my face and wash away the sin that I embraced

Say goodbye to every right I once claimed as my own
Fall on my knees
At last I see the truth that I am poor
Open my eyes
And You I find - waiting to restore, waiting to restore
My soul morns this wasted time spent loving self.  What foolish pride
Gently You show me the way that I can run again
Fall on my knees
At last I see the truth that I am poor
Open my eyes
And You I find - waiting to restore, waiting to restore
Fall on my knees
At last I see the truth that I am poor
Open my eyes
And You I find - waiting to restore, You're waiting to restore

Cleansing Tears
-Matthew and Lizi-
www.myspace.com/matthewandlizi

Realization

It is slowly becoming more and more apparent to me that a godly woman is so much more beautiful and attractive than a woman living by her own strength and light.

The Strong Willed Woman

A Strong Willed Woman...

has a deep desire to make a difference
is not content to coast
is fiercely loyal
needs to be involved
will not be ignored
has no reverse gear
tends to succeed
is wholehearted in whatever she does
has diverse interests
has a strong desire to do right
is willing to do what needs to be done

The Spouse of a Strong Willed Woman must be...
a godly person
comfortable with themself
confident in their abilities
not feel threatened or intimidated by her
steadfastly offering unconditional love to their wife

Coffee and Cigarettes

wake up, take your pills dear, i know this time of year ain't right for you...

you came with a sickness, shot down back in christmas, kamikaze rain...
and i'm sure you've lost that weight again,
i'm sure the pills keep pouring in,
like smoke that falls, it's caving into you...
so put me on a plane, and fly me to anywhere...but you...

one night, when you woke up, you bled till you spoke up, oh this ain't pretty, dear...
with clocks, watch the time go till spring, when the rain can finally be free...
and i'm sure you've lost that weight again,
i'm sure those pills keep pouring in,
we'll scream at night, to make them go away...
so put me on a plane, and fly me to anywhere...but you...


by Augustana [all the stars and boulevards]

Newspeak

by the Ghostwrite (Robby Lester)


We are so content to settle in our beds.  We're afraid of our debt.  We're afraid for our future.  We're afraid to connect.  The illusion of security, it masks the reality of our future forlorn.  So when somebody tells you everything's all clear we don't even blink.  We nod and agree.  We haven't been programmed to disagree.  It's similar to any regime who justifies malicious contempt with beliefs that no conscious being could ever believe.  But hey!  Everything's all clear.  But hey!  Everything's all clear.  But hey!  Everything's all clear.  We're afraid to connect, so I'm afraid to connect.  And you're afraid to connect, so I'm afraid to connect.  Everything's all clear.  Everything's all clear.  Keep telling yourself everything is all clear.

Shh, it's a Secret

I can hide behind my smile, my guitar, and my voice, but my lyrics will never lie to you.

Peace and Rest He gives to Me

Does your spirit ever feel the uncontrollable need to scream?  It’s not a moan or complaint or sob, but a full out blood-curling scream.  That’s how my spirit has been feeling for about two or three months.  This is a mind-clogging experience.  I have a hard time sleeping, thinking, and concentrating, which of course sucks because I am at school trying to conjure up A’s. 

 

I’ve tried to mask it as well as possible, this deep bellow in my soul, but it seems as though the more I try to cover it up or put it away from my reality, the more it haunts and hunts for me.  I finally confronted the matter a couple of days ago when Jerod was in town.  He knew that I wasn’t sleeping well and all of this stuff, but had no reason why this was occurring.  He gently lead me into his arms and somehow (I’m still not quite sure how) I (wo)manned-up and frickin let it come out of my mouth.  There was nothing in me that wanted to tell him.  I hate the things that haunt me, but it seems like as we begin to coat it over with an ever-growing mask of denial, this haunting turns into a best friend AND a worst enemy.  But, I did it.  I said it.  It felt gross to hear it come out of my mouth: my selfishness, my self-pity, my shame.  But, I did it. 

 

Night came, and he went over to Beast’s to stay the night.  Nothing new: it was still really hard to sleep.  The next night I felt an amazingly new burst of peace when I went to bed.  There was still a struggle in my heart, don’t get me wrong, but my mind seemed to settle a lot easier.  Last night, dude, I slept sooo well!  I went to bed and fell right asleep.  I even took a nap this afternoon in which dreams and conformations of other dreams were spilling out of my mind and spirit.  It was exciting to rest!

 

I know that the struggle is still going to be there.  Satan would absolutely love to come in (especially after sharing this with others) and disrupt my sleep again.  I know this.  I’ve seen it time and time again in my life and in other’s.  But the simple joy of a restful, peaceful night is overwhelming, and I cannot contain it!  The screaming has ceased or at least become quiet enough for me to think and enjoy today.

 

Thank you, Lord!

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what he has done.  Psalm 105:1, 1 Chronicles 16:8

April Fools Day

Sooo today I played a really bad trick on my mom.  I had my roommate call her up...wait a second, ok.  Let's also put into account that my roommate, Robyn, discouraged me SEVERAL times before I did this.  Ok, in saying that, Robyn called her up and, well it went something like this:

"Hello ma'am.  Is this Kathy Schneider?"
"Yes, it is."
"Ok, Mrs. Schneider, I was told to let you and your family know that your daughter, Kelsey Schneider, has been admitted to the Denton County Hospital..."
"O really?  Ok."
"to the ICU"
"The ICU?!"
"Because of multiple stab wounds..."
(Then she and I start cRaCkInG up!)  "April Fools!"

My mom, as Robyn thought she might, took it really hard and was quiet for a good 10-20 seconds.  She was NOT happy and it scared her really bad.  I've had some pretty bad ideas in the past that have backfired in about this same way, but this is up there on the "I feel sooo bad for doing that" list.  Although it was fun and got my heart beating pretty quickly, haha, this was not one of my better moments.  Oh gah, Kelsey's gonna pay for this, I know it!  

So, little children, take it from me.  Don't do this to your mom, or any member of your family for that matter.  It's not a good idea (though I still think it was pretty funny and genius work by the both of us, haha).  I'm evil.  But Mom's fine and she'll make it through.  I think this stunt took a good year or two off of her life, but she's gonna be fine.

Thanks for checkin in.  And Happy April Fools Day.  Go trick someone!

F-R-E-E that spells Free

Hola de Denton!


Well, I'm in Art Six, coffee shop (I know, crazy thought, eh?), writing and thinking and breathing.  Life is lovely, no?  I got out of English class about an hour ago and then headed over here for some "Kelsey-time".  As I scrounged up a ridiculous four bucks for my soy chai latte, I thought about a simple promise that Christ gives me everyday: "I am not going to leave you.  I will be with you and give you the strength to bear up under everything that is placed in your path."  I've been thinking on that grace lately.  Grace is such a pivotal part of the Christian walk, but church-goers normally only take into account the grace that the Father gives us personally.  What about the grace we give others?  

I believe that Christianity coincides with the grace not only given to us by the Father, but also the grace that we offer and receive from others.  This is to do as Christ does.  If I am walking with a person who is wanting to live as Christ lived, why would I hesitate to trust the person to give me grace?  And also, should I not also trust myself to give them grace?  This is a simple thought until you consider that if you and I BOTH need grace, you WILL hurt me and I WILL hurt you.  If this wasn't so, why then would grace be needed or much less offered?

I tend to be a person who concentrates a lot on reality.  In saying this, I personally find it quite rational to walk in this grace, both giving and receiving.  Do you agree?

I'd like to know your thoughts as well.  What is your take and angle and belief on grace?

I love you more than you know and I'm thinkin of you. KeLSey

First Blog

Hey guys,

Yeah, first blog, yippee.  Hah - I thought that a site dedicated to the art of blogging was a more appropriate place for me to share my heart then the good ol' Facebook "Notes" section.  It's only 11:35 PM and I'm tired (which is rare for me considering I left my old lady sleep patterns during Christmas Break).  Time for an update on life?  I think so.

Denton = fabulous.  I love UNT and the people down here.  It's great to know that you're in the right place, and that's how I feel about North Texas.  My roommate, though I'm unsure if she'll ever read this, is absolutely amazing.  She has totally been a Godsend and has challenged me to pursue the holiness of Christ by her mere actions.  I love her!

I'm attending The Village Church here in Denton.  Wow, if you guys get a chance, I would recommend the podcasts.  Brilliant!  I learn new things every time I listen to the leadership's words (which is a HuGe thing, because I grew up in church and in a private Christian school).  Christ is big, big, big!

Alright, kids, this is the end of my first blog.  I hope that you'll visit here again and see if you can't get inside my head a bit.  Love you more than you know.