Shh, it's a Secret

I can hide behind my smile, my guitar, and my voice, but my lyrics will never lie to you.

Peace and Rest He gives to Me

Does your spirit ever feel the uncontrollable need to scream?  It’s not a moan or complaint or sob, but a full out blood-curling scream.  That’s how my spirit has been feeling for about two or three months.  This is a mind-clogging experience.  I have a hard time sleeping, thinking, and concentrating, which of course sucks because I am at school trying to conjure up A’s. 


I’ve tried to mask it as well as possible, this deep bellow in my soul, but it seems as though the more I try to cover it up or put it away from my reality, the more it haunts and hunts for me.  I finally confronted the matter a couple of days ago when Jerod was in town.  He knew that I wasn’t sleeping well and all of this stuff, but had no reason why this was occurring.  He gently lead me into his arms and somehow (I’m still not quite sure how) I (wo)manned-up and frickin let it come out of my mouth.  There was nothing in me that wanted to tell him.  I hate the things that haunt me, but it seems like as we begin to coat it over with an ever-growing mask of denial, this haunting turns into a best friend AND a worst enemy.  But, I did it.  I said it.  It felt gross to hear it come out of my mouth: my selfishness, my self-pity, my shame.  But, I did it. 


Night came, and he went over to Beast’s to stay the night.  Nothing new: it was still really hard to sleep.  The next night I felt an amazingly new burst of peace when I went to bed.  There was still a struggle in my heart, don’t get me wrong, but my mind seemed to settle a lot easier.  Last night, dude, I slept sooo well!  I went to bed and fell right asleep.  I even took a nap this afternoon in which dreams and conformations of other dreams were spilling out of my mind and spirit.  It was exciting to rest!


I know that the struggle is still going to be there.  Satan would absolutely love to come in (especially after sharing this with others) and disrupt my sleep again.  I know this.  I’ve seen it time and time again in my life and in other’s.  But the simple joy of a restful, peaceful night is overwhelming, and I cannot contain it!  The screaming has ceased or at least become quiet enough for me to think and enjoy today.


Thank you, Lord!

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what he has done.  Psalm 105:1, 1 Chronicles 16:8

April Fools Day

Sooo today I played a really bad trick on my mom.  I had my roommate call her up...wait a second, ok.  Let's also put into account that my roommate, Robyn, discouraged me SEVERAL times before I did this.  Ok, in saying that, Robyn called her up and, well it went something like this:

"Hello ma'am.  Is this Kathy Schneider?"
"Yes, it is."
"Ok, Mrs. Schneider, I was told to let you and your family know that your daughter, Kelsey Schneider, has been admitted to the Denton County Hospital..."
"O really?  Ok."
"to the ICU"
"The ICU?!"
"Because of multiple stab wounds..."
(Then she and I start cRaCkInG up!)  "April Fools!"

My mom, as Robyn thought she might, took it really hard and was quiet for a good 10-20 seconds.  She was NOT happy and it scared her really bad.  I've had some pretty bad ideas in the past that have backfired in about this same way, but this is up there on the "I feel sooo bad for doing that" list.  Although it was fun and got my heart beating pretty quickly, haha, this was not one of my better moments.  Oh gah, Kelsey's gonna pay for this, I know it!  

So, little children, take it from me.  Don't do this to your mom, or any member of your family for that matter.  It's not a good idea (though I still think it was pretty funny and genius work by the both of us, haha).  I'm evil.  But Mom's fine and she'll make it through.  I think this stunt took a good year or two off of her life, but she's gonna be fine.

Thanks for checkin in.  And Happy April Fools Day.  Go trick someone!