I’ve been reluctant to post anything on the subject of addiction, because it’s one of those things you just kind of keep quiet. I mean, the mere definition of addiction alludes to a problem of sorts, which an addict would like to hide. However, I think there is a certain healing in speaking of things hidden. A good friend of mine pointed out a few days ago that I ‘keep my cards close’. I agree. I want to let you in a bit. My aim with this is to be frank. My aim with this is to let others know that they are not alone.

I’ve been slave to addictions for most of my life. I won’t go into detail (for the sake of my privacy), but we can say that I am still very much a slave to many of these accumulated dependencies. There is great frustration in me as I read back that statement. The dollars and time invested in erasing that statement from my lips should prove otherwise. So, why am I still warring? I don’t know the answer, obviously. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this. But, as I’ve spent thousands of hours in thought on the subject of ‘why’, I’ve developed a small conclusion: addiction spurs from an attainment. There is a certain kind of dedication to the addiction because you get something from it. If you received nothing from the substance or thing or activity, there would be absolutely no reason for you to return to it. Further, if you hated it we would call that act aversion.

So, why do we see addicts going back or not getting out at all?

It is because the framework of addiction is devotion. The person receives something from the addiction. It always gives. It ends up taking as well; always more than it gives in the end. But it gives. It always gives.

I honestly believe that because of the nature of the creature of addiction, my view of love is skewed. I give in to said addiction because I receive a certain ‘love’ from it. Every time. Although, most of the time (like I said above) the ‘love’ given is lesser than what it takes in return.

This is more of an affirmation to any one who thinks they are alone. You are not. I am not. How do we beat this? I am not sure. I do know, however, that Christ offers a love that is better and purer and richer than any high or chaos or bliss or achievement. It alone satisfies. But we have to buy into that love and trust in it and give up what we think we know for something greater than ourselves.