Even Though I Walk...

My goal with this post is not to complain or gripe about anything in my life. Rather, simply to document and celebrate the good things that have begun to flower in my life and the goodness that Christ has provided for me.

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. What? How could this have happened to me? I wasn't one to have my heart broken easily. I sank back into the green loveseat in the living room of my third-floor apartment. How could this be? Betrayed.

Let me back up a bit. Christmas of 2010 was a strange time. My entire family seemed to be on edge. My mother and I were at odds, as our relationship was fickle and weak. She didn't approve of the person I was dating, nor did she feel comfortable with the fact that I had tumbled away from the church. So, I decided to take off a bit early for home, Denton, on the 26th. That next morning I awoke and headed to McKinney to meet up with my significant other. We'd left each other for the holidays on a high note, and I was anxious to see them. Their niece and nephew were still in town for the holidays from California, so we all decided to go out and carve hills down in Carrollton. After riding a few easier hills, the nephew and I headed up a pretty challenging slant. He took off first looking like a pro and taking the hill without problem. I stepped onto my longboard, took a deep breath, and pushed off down the hill. I started gaining speed, topping off around 30 mph when I realized I wasn't going to be able to make the turn at the bottom of the hill. I bailed. I remember taking a couple of steps and feeling a rush of panic as I 'supermaned' into the asphalt. I'd broken my collarbone.

I am active. Really active. Before the accident I was the strongest I've ever been in my life. I felt great. I looked great.

When you break your collarbone you realize how essential it truly is to the rest of your body. The ribs and the collarbone are the most painful breaks that can occur. Yet, it only takes 3 pounds of force to break a collarbone. You can't set it. You just have to remain as still as you possibly can until it heals, which is around 7-8 weeks. It was hell. It was humbling.

During the first week of the break, I developed edema in my left arm. The doctors feared there was a deadly bloodclot in my arm from the break and rushed me from test to test. Late that night they reported there was no bloodclot. I sighed a sigh of relief along with those around me. 95% of collarbone breaks do not require surgery. My break was bad enough and far enough apart that half of the doctors I saw said 'do it' and the others said 'wait it out and see.' Of course, I didn't want surgery, so I waited it out. When the doctor finally released me 4 months later he said, "Kelsey, I really can't believe your bone has healed this nicely. Your break was one of the worst I've seen in a long time. It's now just as strong, perfectly healed. It's amazing."

God be praised.

I spent a few weeks at my parents' house when I first broke my collarbone. During that time, my mom and I grew very close. I had hours and hours of thinking time, of being time, of talking time. And I was able to spend many of those hours with my mother and thinking about our relationship. I put down my pride. We talked and talked. It was a time of emotional healing as well.

God be praised.

During the course of around a month, I moved into a lonely one bedroom apartment, broke up with my significant other (who is now my ex), broke my collarbone, was abandoned by my best friend, and found out that my 'big sister' from back in high school (with whom I shared a lot of my personal struggles and achievements) moved in on my ex not even two weeks after we'd broken up. They hid it from me.

A friend of mine expressed her opinion about this girl and my ex. She asked if they were seeing each other, and I unknowingly said they were not. After a bit more concern, I asked this 'big sister' of mine if anything was going on between them. There was. They'd been 'caught'. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. What? How could this have happened to me? I wasn't one to have my heart broken easily. I sank back into the green loveseat in the living room of my third-floor apartment. How could this be? Betrayed.

My best friend, for no reason that I even to this day can conjure up, abandoned our relationship. It's still something that baffles me. I've tried to ask her what went wrong. I've spent tireless hours in thought about anything I've done or didn't do that would have made her abandon our friendship. But I've come up short over and over again. It's strange. But I've, instead, had to trust in Christ even that much more to bring in friends and companions that are good. Good in His eyes and His time. I see Him slowly working people into my life that will help me and encourage me and allow me to do the same for them. I am standing strong in His promise that He will bring someone into my life who I can call 'best friend'. In His time.

God be praised.

Although it has been a hard and lonely and humbling year thus far, I've had the pleasure of growing immensely in my Father's love. He is the only thing I can always trust in. Not my body, not my mind, not my friends, not my family, not drugs, not alcohol, not my talents, not any situation, not anything - but Him.

God be praised.

Job 1:21, ESV -- And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”


  1. It's hard. But I'm glad you are finding hope and believe in something and have such a strong, positive outlook, even in the midst of pain both physical and spiritual.

    I aspire to have the kind of resilience and unflappable joy that you have.